Living Cosmos

Day 1, Initiation Report

I started my meditation at 3:02am. I first had a backrest, but then
decided to remove the backrest to aid Kundalini flow.

This initiation meditation was vastly different. All of my prior
meditations in Yogi Madan's system had strong sensory feedback - lots
of sensation all over the body. In contrast, this first day of
initiation had very little physical body feedback.

Instead, I became aware of some extremely soft and beautiful lights
moving around. And beneath was the quietest sweetest hum you could
ever imagine. I wanted to simply drown in all this softness, but I
could not surrender enough. I prayed to Yogi Madan to help me
surrender and then tried to surrender, but I simply could not do it. I
think maybe if I had prayed longer, it might've worked. I will
probably try that the next time.

The real problem with surrendering to the soft lights and sound is
probably this: I tried to engage in physical surrender to something
more subtle than the physical. Hence I fell away from what I wanted to
surrender to by being physical in my surrender to non-physical lights
and sounds. These lights and sounds were more succulent than anything
you could ever eat or see, believe me.

Another unusual thing about todays session is that I had automatic
movements. I suppose they were being blocked before because I was
always laying against the wall instead of sitting up without back
support. But today, they definitely occured.

Finally, I will only be eating oranges for the next 6 days (save for
my wheatgrass pills in the morning). Another problem I had in today's
meditation is that I ate a large meal at 7pm. And the next morning I
could still sense the heaviness and spices of it.

Also, I took my shower at night before going to bed. But I imagine it
would be a good idea to shower in the morning before meditation as
well.

I dont have a specific technique in my meditation. I dont focus my
eyes anywhere. I simply sit there and pray once and then
surrender. But like I said, I will pray long and hard until the
surrender takes place next time.

I suppose I'm a bit depressed because this meditation was not full of "fireworks" like my previous ones...